I feel like I have been living in a "movie" ... in someone else's life... not my own.
Things got "shaken" up in my world , my house, my circle ... in every aspect of the word when my daughter passed away over the summer.
I haven't really taken good care of things and with the "destruction" around me there was also destruction inside of me. I wrote about some of it on my other blog and you can read about that more here if you like but for this page I want to talk about how the very act of being frugal or not being frugal affected my general attitude and health.
When I have experienced loss, sadness, depression of great magnitude this time, just as in the past.... something changes inside of my brain and the importance of being frugal literally feels like a switch inside of me. I go from pinching a penny to "I don't care what it costs if it makes me feel better for 2 minutes" in a red hot second It takes no time at all for that mindset to kick in and I immediately feel entitled to not being frugal, not being responsible, not being good with money , and excuse my french but I go to "I just don't give a flying you know what." That helps me for a minute ...and then depresses me more in the long run. When those companies tack on "fees" and "penalties" because I didn't give a flying you know what and now I give a flying you know what.
So when I heal , even a smidgeon, you might find me cooking more and more creatively and frugally .... as I did for the past few days..... I made the best tasting fruit cake ever imagined.
Let me get this straight , I HATE FRUITCAKE .
I always thought that someone ..... someone should make a delicious non developed pallet enjoying cake or bread full of fruit and then maybe throw some alcohol "sauce" on it like bread pudding...... that someone .... yesterday .... was ME ...... my particular self ... used what I had on hand to put this together and everyone knows that to soothe myself .... its tropical all the way... all day long ....so you guessed it ...
I MADE A TROPICAL FRUITCAKE .... that actually TASTES GOOD!
If I were to go out and BUY the ingredients to make this delightful treat ...it would be EXPENSIVE but ... because I was saving the items that would have otherwise gone bad in my fridge .... it all of the sudden became a FRUGAL ACT ...... cost no more money , I had to buy nothing , I had to "save" something from dying and becoming compost in our little "strip o' dump for discarded things....
That My friends ... was THERAPY ..... cheap therapy..... another FRUGAL ACT , I didn't even have to leave home to feel better.....
"Normalcy" is therapy for a brain that is traumatized and a heart that is doing overtime , just to keep up. My soul is damaged ... my new "normal" is much different than my normal from the spring 2018..... and while many of the changes in me are not "good ones" .... and are sad...... but I found a silver lining...... in my new normal
FRUIT CAKE CAN mean something "GOOD" not necessarily a bad Crazy.... it can TASTE GOOD can be frugal and can be DONE! :)